The Secret to a Long Lasting Relationship – Part I

October 31, 2017

When I was in high school, I took Psychology as my major. My teacher discussed about love languages by Gary Chapman and how it is used to improve relationships with our partner. 

So now, I would like to share with you guys how these 5 love languages will improve our relationships. 

To begin with, you can take the test in

The five love languages consist of words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time, and physical touch. 

Once you finish the test, you will be shown the score for each love languages. The first and second highest score indicate your primary and secondary love language. While the others, indicate your least love language profile. 

The table below shows the result of my partner and I. 

Sherry Lyne My Partner
10 Physical Touch 10 Quality Time
8 Quality Time 8 Words of Affirmation
5 Acts of Service 5 Acts of Service
4 Words of Affirmation 4 Physical Touch
3 Receiving Gifts 3 Receiving Gifts

I noticed that my partner truly value quality time in our relationship. This means he doesn’t like when I am playing with my phone when there is him around. He prefers to have quality conversation and activities. He wants me to fully pay attention when he speaks. In this way, he feels that he is loved. The main aspect of quality time is spending time together with our partner. For instance, my partner and I always playing badminton once a week, even though we do not mainly talk when we play, we find playing badminton is a quality time because we can spend our time together.

The table also shows that the least love language my partner has is receiving gifts and physical touch. This means instead of giving my partner presents or hugging him, he prefers to have quality time. However, this is totally the opposite of my love language. My primary love language is physical touch. For some men, when they hear the words of physical touch, they will immediately think of sex. However, sex is not the only way to show this love language. Hugging, holding hands, embracing, or an arm around the shoulder are all the other ways of expressing love by physical touch. Usually, women have higher tendency of having physical touch as their primary love language. When in touch, women feels that they are appreciated, secured, loved, and cared.

Besides, I also realize that my partner has words of affirmation as his secondary love language. This means that he appreciates compliments from me or others people. Hearing the words, “I am proud of you”, “You have done such a great work”, “I love you”, “Being your girlfriend such an honor”, “I want to grow old with you”, etc. are very important for him. Insults can leave him shattered and it is not easy for him to forget what I said to him. So, instead of talking negative words, I encourage and speak positive words.

In order to improve our relationship when our partner primary love language is quality time, we have to listen to our partner when he/she speaks and do not do something else at the same time (like playing phone, games, watching TV). Do not interrupt when our partner speaks, he/she wants us to listen to them. In this way, we will show that we respect our relationship.

Thank you for reading. Let’s check what your partner love language is, here: Learn these 5 love languages to understand your partner more.

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